always luving

anything related to you moves a little pebble in my heart that makes everything come crashing down.

Current Mood: blank

oh cheeses! three tests tomorrow! craziness! i know i only have to study for 2 but its still a lot. i'm all tired and stressed... not good not good. today was an eh day. i was feeling kinda crappy the whole day. but then after school we went to see thomas and eat w/ yvonne and tony(thanks for the ride tony!) then it was hw time when i got home. math is depressing. but then....
i put a smile on ur face as u put one on mine

SWEETNESS!!!!!! that made my day! :)
well back to reality... toodles kiddies cuz lots of work must be done!

Current Location: home
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: aint no mountain high enough... marvin gaye

Growing up is part of it,
heartaches and heartbreaks are part of it,
changing is part of it,
but why must life be so painful?

Why can't it be peachy keen
pain free,
love filled?

Does the pain have a meaning?
Does it stand for something?
Is it made for something?

Does it help us grow?
Does it make us stronger?
Does it make us love more?

The breaks,
the changes,
the pain,...
At times becomes too much to bare,
too much to stand,
too much to live.



so kidos, any comments, questions, concerns...i'd really appreciate your in put cuz i'm looking into entering one of my poems for a scholarship...so any input would be great. thank you

Current Location: homie home home
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: How to deal...Frankie J

well it all started friday, after school, surprising my mommy, diana, at her surprise bday party. that was fun. we just talked and talked and we didn't leave school til 5:30 which was surprising cuz i never thought i would want to stay in school for that long. but it was fun. our family came over and diana cried. it was a good day. good times good times.

then we went to kat's bday party which was fun. thanx for the invite kat, that was a good party. even though i left early, i had fun. i accomplished something which i dont think anyone else had ever done.
Kevin, you know how to dance, i saw it in those 15 seconds you danced. you should do it more often.

but yea that was fun. sry i didn't get to stay thomas. i wanted to stay but i couldn't. oh well we'll hang out some other time. well yea that's pretty much it. hope everyone had fun. toodles!

Current Location: home
Current Mood: bouncy

well i think i caught it, which is bad, really bad, cuz now i dont feel like doing work, but i must. i need my mommy back, she left me friday for mexico. this is gunna be hard for me cuz i need my mommy. i mean i NEED her. hopefully i survive.

well i just finished the third day of school. its sux sooo much. i already feel like i have a bunch of work to do and its only the thrid day. 4 ap classes aren't all that great. they are alot of hard work. but i wanna prove to myself that i can do it. i'm gunna need a lot of motivation, cuz im gunna need it. the good thing is that i'm gunna be helping people. i'm a peer college counselor which is pretty cool. and i got to be in yearbook. which was great. i really wanted to do something fun this year and i think yearbook is great. we were looking at old yearbooks and we found some cook stuff. my mind is already working and i already thought of fun stuff we could do. well i'm gunna try to do some work rite now so i'll talk to you seen. bye bye kiddies :)

Current Location: home
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: panic at the disco...i write sins not tragedies

Well i am officially a senior. Woohoo! i really didn't think i was gunna have to do as much work as i think i'm going to have this year. so this is my schedule:
hr. dr clark
per1 ap eng. lit...dr. clark
per2 ap govt.......mr. solkavitz(?) can't really spell his name now. i will learn though... hopefully
per3 ap calculus...mr. perez
per4 ap environmental science...mr. schiller
per5 peer counseling
per6 yearbook

and well yea, 3 ap's isn't really something i want to do. i don't know if i should drop ap cal. what do you think? but anyways i just got my ap scores and at first i was super scared of opening the envelop but when i did i started jumping up and down cuz i passed them all. i got a 3 in bio, u.s. history, and english language. i might retake the english language one just because i think i can do better. but YAY! i passed them all. it feels so good to know that all that hard work payed off. i'm uber excited. well that's all imma say for now. i have to go and do hw...eeewwww... ciao ciao my little one's.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: rhianna...murderer

wow its been a while... a really really long while since i've updated. well its almost time to go back to school. damn in this infernal heat :( but oh wellz. its my last year so i have to make it memorable. i want this year to be the best year for me and everyone around me. i really really hope to make this year extra fun. but what i want most of all, is to get along w/ everyone. regardless of what has happened in the past, their feelings or actions toward me. i really wanna graduate w/o any regrets. i wanna make the most of this year. well everyone i hope you enjoyed your break! cant wait to see you! :)

Current Location: home
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: none

sooo bored. its only been like what? two weeks or so since we finished school ( i mean testing and all) and i'm already bored. I need to do something. i can't wait til i go to my grandma's. i was thinking about it and i'm competely isolated in that little town. I mean my grandma doesn't own a computer so i can't really go online and phone, well i five dollar calling card only gives like 15 mins to call somebody... not enough time. i guess being isolated helps me relax and feel better. eventhough i get kinda homesick sometimes, being isolated from everything is good. you should try it sometime. it feels nice to be stress free. well i gotta run... really i should go and run i'm getting fat cuz all i do is eat. oh wellz bye bye now.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: blah

gosh ap tests are sooooo freaking hard. i thought the english one would be easier but boy was i mistaken. oh well now i have to wait til july to see wat i got. the upside was that i got to see my wonderful family.

in other news, sunday's culmination was fun. i had fun. clark made me cry though... i never thought clark would ever make me cry but he's emo showed and it made me cry. the g-b word made me cry to. i really cant stand saying good-bye to those i love. so sry if i didn't say good-bye to some of you guys. i just hate good-byes. well that's it for today... spread the joy and love everyone. XOXO to all!

Current Location: home
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: golddigger...kanye

Today is the day when we move on. Some of us become seniors and some of us become freshmen. A little change is never a bad but it can be a bit painful. Today I leave some of the people that taught me so much. They showed me that I can get through those bumps of the road and that I can get through it all. They might not know how much love I have for them, but I know that at they at least know I care.
A month ago I can't say I loved them as much as I do now. But now that they are leaving I love them more than before. I can't say I would have rather not gotten as close as I did because I could never regret such a wonderful friendship. The only thing that saddens me is that now that I formed this great friendship, those I hold dear are departing.
I wish them nothing but luck and trust their abilities to succeed. I know that no matter what they do, they will always succeed. My only wish is that they don't forget those that love them and that got left behind. Best of luck and warm wishes to all of you, just don't forget those you taught and those who care. Come back soon because we will be waiting with arms wide open.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: unwritten... natasha

hello,
ummm...well its been a really really long time since i've updated the journal. there has been no time at all! so much work to do. omgosh we are almost out of school. its great. i need this break. unfortunately there are sooo many people that i don't want to leave ie: patrick, thomas, kevin, karla, jose, and all the other great people that are leaving. its sux. but oh well such is life and they deserve to leave after all the work they've done. well ummm...i guess its my journal so i should talk about myself. oh i wrote a new poem... that was good. i think that's wat more people have to be like. they shouldn't care what others say and they shouldn't change for anybody. yup yup yup that's how it should be. but life isn't always how it should be. if it was i would be getting straight A's and be happy and having a great life all the time. but its not like that. oh yea and i hope everybody liked the picnic on friday. it was fun...eventhough i wasn't doing all of the activities it was fun seeing everybody enjoy themselves. well i think that's all i have to say. so bye bye.

plz try not to print out my poems. i dont want them to be read at school. hopefully people forget about it and don't do it. oh yea and people need to talk to each other in order to solve their probs. if they avoid each other it isn't going to make anything any better.

Current Location: school
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Rhiana...S.O.S.

omgoddess it seems like the teachers got together and just decided to pour all of the work on us all of a sudden. sooo much work to do. i really need to stop procrastinating cuz that aint helping. well the good thing is that cooper's final project isn't gunna be that bad. it seems pretty simple actually. i get to dress up as a hippie! but in other news, things just don't seem to clear up. as i had said before, there are various pple i know that are going through very similary situations. well i thought those things would get cleared up for some people, but i dont think they have gotten clear at all. if anything i think for at least one person they just got kinda darker. our heart needs to get in touch w/ our mind so we aren't so confused. well that's all i can say now cuz i have to go do hw.... grrr..... bye everyone and enjoy your day.


music is my medicine,
it's the only thing that heals my soul.
it helps me smile when i feel like i can't smile anymore,
it helps me breathe when i feel like i can't take another breathe,
it even eases the pain you make me feel,
it helps it go away.

oh yea i would really appreciate comments on those random poems i write. plz thank you . :)

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: T-Paine .... I'm sprung

its friday!!!
yay, happy friday to all! well i have to wake up early 2morrow and go to ucla but its ok... i can get through it. *for all you catholics no meat today* well umm i dont think there is anything new in my life that is worth mentioning other than:
wat used to bother, and hurt me, makes me laugh. the pain i felt before is slowly easing up. i've realized there is no need for tears when you can smile, there is no need for anger when joy is near. i've learned to put my head up and ignore the things you say. the things you do are still confusing but at least i can just take them in a good way. dealing with confusion is still hard, but the hugs and other stuff are put in my happy box.

so yea i hope everyone has a GREAT weekend.

dont let the rain take your sunshine away.

Current Mood: bouncy

wow its been a while since i've made any posts. well there's nothing much different. i'm still trying to keep on going w/ all this school work do. i'm still confused...although its a little clearer now, i'm still confused, my feelings are growing, i've realized how pple see me differently, and well that's about it.

sweetie i hope your feeling better but you need to stop reading that book. its not a good book for you to be reading right now.

and to you... you need to sleep more and not worry to much about wat your sister might do. you can live in fear of your sister snaping for no reason.

and to my one and only....
we need to get together and go out sometime. and no waiting for your mom cuz she's always working. we need to go get you those shoes too. take kare and don't forget that i luv you !!!!! ~ _ ~

Current Mood: blank

YAY!!!!
today's friday! it was an overall great day. i turned in the work that was stressing me out, and i got to watch a good movie. i was just soo happy today which was good cuz i hadn't had one of these days in a while. have a great weekend everyone.

question to all the guys out there: why don't you say how you feel?

*everything would have been perfect if i wasn't so confused. i'm so glad that i can feel the love, but sometimes i need to hear how you feel. i need to know wat's going through your mind. its hard to just have a bunch of hugs but have nothing else to fall back on.*

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Brandy...have you ever

i think i fell harder than i expected to.
i know i'm probably making the same mistake,
and i feel kind of used,
but it doesn't matter as long as i have you.
you seem to make everything go away.
your hugs and the love they bring is so great.
i feel like i can feel what your feeling.
whether its happiness, saddness, or love.
i can feel it.
my mind tells me "don't trip..."
but its so hard to just not feel.
feeling is living,
and there is no point in being alive if you don't live,
that is,
if you don't feel.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Ne-Yo...so sick

there was something there.
in that hug.
like a spark.
it was just this feeling inside of me.
within the same 10 seconds i felt used,
like a toy that was just being played with.
but at the same time,
i felt love,
peace,
happiness.
it might be my mind just trying to play games with me,
or it might be my heart bringing its hopes up,
i don't know.
the case is that those ten seconds felt so strangefully wonderful.
i think i'm in love.

Current Mood: calm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! to ME.
i had such a great weekend which led up to a great birthday.

thanx to my mommy and daddy for giving me money and taking me shopping. thanx to my mommy for going through the painful process of having me. oh yea and for the dinner they will give me tonight.

thanx to diana (and her mommy) for that beutiful scarf. i loved it it was soft and it was a beutiful shade of pink.
keeks thanx for the cami and necklace it was sooo pretty (and pink!!!)
oooo and the pretty keychain bunny. its sooo cute.
and thanx to everyone else and their great hugs.

i've had an overall good b-day. lots of things to think about, some might not be so great but they are just things that are there. *you know who you are, have you talked to her yet, you need to let her know how you feel. if you care about, like i know you do, you have to tell her.*

CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!!i'm soooo glad you won your match. you deserved it cuz u've been training so hard. i'm glad you didn't get seriously hurt. what do you do to keep yourself so warm?

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: ray j...one wish

yay!!! three day weekends are the best, specially wen ur bday is coming up and your spoiled all 3 days [not that i experienced that ;)] its been an awesome weekend so far, and i'm only hoping that 2morrow is the same.


the only thing that is buggin me is that i dont know how u did!!! hopefully u did great during ur match and u didn't get hurt.


ONE MORE DAY 'TIL MY BIRTHDAY! YAY!!! HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO ME :)


i hope everyone's weekend was as great. happy president's day!